I am starting to find internet dating soul destroying. My friend calls it disappointment.com. That made me laugh a lot.
I have tried out RSVP, OKCupid, Tinder and now eHarmony. When I was living in the country, I gave Harvest Dating a go too.
Here’s my take on it -
RSVP: A hot bed of confirmed bachelors looking for boobs to touch after a moderately priced meal that they’ve gone halves in. They don’t want a relationship because that would interfere with their successful careers. They don’t even really want a second date. They just want your number so they can text you from time to time from their couch, safe in the knowledge that they will never have to see you again because they’re always ‘too busy’.
OKCupid: Web developers and IT boys looking for love (and boobs to touch). These guys are the most fun and the least Christian. Bonus points if you’re a gamer and an actual nerd girl, as opposed to a nerd appreciator such as myself. You may find actual love.
Tinder: One guy on here had gone to the trouble of combining a picture of his face with a picture of his erect penis which is a little bit like that guessing game at the back of the Good Weekend. Yes, Tinder is all about meaningless sex. If anyone offers to bring a bottle of wine to your house or, alternately, lures you to their house with promises of wine, there’s a good chance you’re not going to finish the first glass.
eHarmony: The people you would normally meet at church or the gym. I never go to either of these places. They get up early, have important jobs, drink occasionally and have never even seen cocaine. They are very polite, vote Liberal and know more chartered accountants than, say, vegans or bikies.
Harvest Dating: Serial killers. They own large bushland properties, shoot pigs for fun and have lots of places they can hide your body. My favourite Harvest Dating experience has to be when 70+ year old men message you. If I was an ‘Acre Chaser’, I would be all over their saggy asses. But no. Just no.
Here’s the thing: I think I am OK. I have a lot to offer. Why is it so goddamn hard?
Like I said, soul destroying.