Letting go
I have reached the point in my life where I have to draw a line.
On one side of the line is me, with all my imperfections and gifts.
On the other side of the line are all the people who have taken advantage of me over the years.
I can finally see that in my desperation to be liked and accepted I have put up with some really bad behaviour. I have so many wonderful people in my life; people who I have often neglected in order to look after ‘squeaky wheels’.
It’s natural to want to care for friends and family who are in trouble. It’s a whole different matter when those people refuse to look after themselves.
And then there’s the people who just take and take and take. They’re easily spotted, drinking your wine and eating your food and showing up to parties empty-handed. I’ve had enough of them too.
Instead, I am redirecting my resources towards the people who are kind, generous, thoughtful and loyal; the people who give and give and give. An easy test to distinguish who they are is simply that I feel great when I’m around them. I feel loved and appreciated and abundant.
As for the others? I am letting them go.
Do you have people in your life who drag you down? What’s stopping you from walking away?
It’s a hard thing to do Em. I have made that decision with a few people in my life previously and it’s never easy.
Maybe with time or luck it something things will change. That’s my only advice in the matter – never say never.
It’s about making choices; the right ones, the difficult ones and the ones that don’t bring you quick gratification. Usually they are the ones that take the most sacrifice and time. There are always easy ways out, but they are not decisive.
I’ve had to detach from two women in my life with great pain but the was the right thing to do, all the while thinking of what they needed to heal the wound and not taking it out on them. One was an alcoholic, the other a drug abuser. You can get caught up in loved ones habits and not realize that you can’t change them, some time the change they need is brought about by their being detached from your emotional umbilical.
Investing in a relationship is just that, only giving the value of your love if you are sure and they deserve it or have earned it. It’s not about being frivolous–getting laid because you need intimacy of any kind; desperation breeding clingy and dependent behavior; giving up your body ethics and mental morals to someone who clearly wants to use you, but you may not be sober enough to see it.
It’s easy to give yourself away, it’s hard to make someone earn your love.
An excellent idea, if a little more difficult in practice than in theory. Timely too given that we will all have a new leaf to turn over with the new year!
In many respected l have walked away from my life in Australia and the 4 children l had. Not that l set out to do that, but when l kept getting told by my judgemental, intolerant children, that l had the problem with the breakdown of our relationships, and that they took no responsibility in their actions or their fathers actions… l realised that l had two choices:
Kill myself Or LIVE!
I decided that l was of Value and that my children’s projections were not mine.. and that l couldn’t change their mind of how they viewed me or the past …. So l sold my house and left Oz 3 1/2 years ago …
And l have absolutely NO REGRETS in doing that!
We all have to draw lines in the sand and say to ourselves – I AM WORTH IT & I HAVE VALUE .
My children say to me that l should be home ( in Oz) mending the relationships, ….. but when does it become 100% your responsibility to mend fences and a 50 / 50 split???
After all, l was trying to teach my children ( 2 girls + 2 boys) good morals and ethics… but when they expect me to sit at a table with my Ex-husband who raped me while l was unconscious, stole my youngest son & gloated about it, and dragged me thorough Family Court just for Spite … it comes to the point where l just had to draw the line and say enough is enough.
And the breakdown in our relationship all came about because my Ex left me and his kids for his mistress ( a single mother) ….. I stayed and paid the full mortgage, made sure the kids went to school and went to counselling. Hence l did what any good mother would do and looked after her children, so that they would get through the hell we found ourselves in, and kept living for a tomorrow.
However, all 4 children now support their father, and tell me that lm dead to them.
Hence if l was to accept their projection of Me.. then l would have drawn the line and committed suicide. However…
I found my Voice and My Inner Self… and realised that l was worth more and decided to live my life the best way l knew how to – with Honesty and Honour.
Thats the point of drawing a line on something …. aka .. to move forward with one’s life!
Anthea, that is a very moving story. It must have taken enormous courage to walk away. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
It’s a good feeling to know that you can let go of things in your life that no longer serves you. It’s doesn’t mean you’re turning your back on your friends or you’re denying yourself anything, it just means you’re opening yourself up to better things.
Also, I love your site!
Happy 2014! 🙂
Ain’t that the truth! Thanks so much for your kind word Erica 🙂