So I am not the Queen of Tamworth after all.
After a mad 10 days populated with Sydney, Orange, Melbourne and Brisbane visitors, Queen Quest entrants, country music artists and fans, as well as fair slog of normal work and community volunteering, I rocked up to a crowning dinner on Sunday night.
I was shagged but I wriggled into my super glam frock, plastered on some make up and trotted down to the Tamworth Town Hall.
Truthfully, I didn’t think I would win but I did think I was a shoo in for the Top 10 simply because I was a Tourism PR for nearly five years. But no, I didn’t even get a look in. Ouch.
As the names were read out for the Top 10, I had that same sinking feeling as when I wasn’t chosen for the school choir when I was seven years old. That feeling of not being good enough.
Regardless of how tough you think you are, it’s still hard to lose. And what’s more, it’s painful to lose so publicly. I knew it was irrational to care but in the moment, it felt awful. And then you start wondering what if. What could you have done better? What did you do wrong? Why don’t they like you?
It’s made me think about what it must be like to lose at the Academy Awards or to have your book panned by critics or to lose the NRL/AFL Grand Final. All that pressure to succeed, attention and hype. It must be devastating because those people are being judged on their career performance; not just a short, frivolous activity.
I have gained so much empathy for losers by becoming one.
Have you ever lost something? How did you feel?