Living with disapproval

I recently experienced a big dose of disapproval, and wow, it hurt.

It came from the place where I would most expect it: my family.

I recently got engaged in a fairly fuss-free way. No ring. No proposal. A simple agreement between adults to marry.

In keeping with the theme of simplicity, and in light of the fact I was exhausted and somewhat anxious about how the decision would be received, I emailed my family to let them know, with a note saying that we could talk about it when we saw each other a few days later.

But wow, what a shit storm.

Not only did certain people disapprove of my mode of delivery, they also disapproved of the message.

After years of struggling to move on from my divorce and all the emotional and financial wreckage that entailed, I have finally found love with a very good man.

Not only that, we have decided to take the brave step of getting married.

We’re happy and I somewhat unrealistically thought that my whole family would be happy for us.

So what is the lesson in this?

To never do anything brave? To try and please everyone? To avoid sharing good news for fear it will be poorly received?

No.

The lesson here is to do it anyway, in the best and kindest way, that is also true to your needs.

There will always be disapproval because there will always be people who see things differently to you. That’s life and when you accept that, it hurts a lot less (or at least in a more interesting way).

Nearly every dying person says they wished they’d lived more, risked more and been truer to themselves.

What no one tells you is that doing those things can really hurt too. You have to choose the lesser of the two evils.

 

 

Comments
4 Responses to “Living with disapproval”
  1. Jim says:

    Congratulations and my very best wishes to you both for a happy, exciting and content future together.
    May the force be with you!
    I’ll raise a glass to your happiness (after 5 this evening or may be earlier).

  2. You forgot to mention he is a very lucky man, so I will.

  3. @shegoes says:

    Thank you Roderigo!

  4. @shegoes says:

    Thank you so much Jim!

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