Needs versus wants

I’ve always wanted a boyfriend who is into wine which goes some way to explaining why I get all groupie around wine makers, journalists and judges. I love wine and, by extension, love wine people.

Keith Richards

I bet Keith Richards is great fun but do you really want a boyfriend who needs daily dialysis?

The problem is that wine people travel for work all the time, drink a hell of a lot and generally have the moral turpitude of Keith Richards.

I also love the idea of dating MENSA geniuses and CEOs but really, is that right for me? How many narcissists can you fit into one relationship? There’s the whole star and manager theory; that every healthy partnership has one star and one person who happily plays the support role. I know that I have to be the star. I am the youngest child in my family, an Aries and a bit of a diva when it comes to needing attention.

I have a lot of love to give but I need a lot of love in return. That’s just how it is with me so it’s never going to work with someone who doesn’t have much time, who is emotionally distant or who doesn’t want a fully loved-up partnership.

I want the whole house, dog, children, marriage scenario. But do I need any of that? Probably not. What I actually need is someone to fall asleep with, to be my best friend and to be there for me when things are shit. All that other stuff is optional.

It’s the difference between buying groceries and buying a beautiful piece of art. The groceries are critical. The art is not.

Cater for your deepest needs first – and then you can go crazy with the other stuff.

Ask yourself what it is you need to make you feel loved and safe and accepted unconditionally. Seek that first.

 

 

Comments
2 Responses to “Needs versus wants”
  1. Natureboy says:

    I’m not sure if you should point the finger at wine people for travelling and drinking a lot, nor for having poor morals. It’s of course all true but we are not the only profession that this holds true for!

    Aside from that here is my 2c…

    Don’t settle for good enough. You can get good enough by yourself. Hell you can get much better than that by yourself.

    Settle only for the ‘beautiful art’. The person that makes you feel amazing. The person who challenges you. Obviously you need to get the unconditional love and safety too, but make sure that you only go for the biggest catch you can. You deserve it, and that person deserves you.

    Make your life more magical than you can imagine.

  2. Edwina says:

    I love this Em.

    “What I actually need is someone to fall asleep with, to be my best friend and to be there for me when things are shit.”

    Agree. Deepest needs fulfilled, then the art and comedy festivals are great added bonuses. Empty without the first though.

    xxx

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