To kid, or not to kid
That is the question.
I went to a work function on Friday night and a tipsy mother of two implored me to have a child. Even as her husband was dragging her out the door, she made a break back towards me to reinforce her impassioned plea.
This is not an isolated incident. People with children spend a lot of time telling people without children that they need to have them.
Which stresses me out, quite frankly.
Until I met The Spark, I was working towards dying alone surrounded by dogs.
Furthermore, I have had two surgeries on my uterus that make it less of a cradle for humanity and more of a Bride of Frankenstein.
I am turning 37 next year which means I am probably as fertile as Fukushima but that doesn’t stop me from fretting. It’s the worst kind of FOMO.
‘It’s the hardest/best thing you’ll ever do’, ‘You’ll never feel love like this again’, ‘You’ll know what you were put on earth for’.
Sounds a little bit like a big weekend on ecstasy, if you ask me.
Because that’s the other thing – the come down. Post-natal depression, horror birth stories, 10 years of no sleep, never being able to travel, the fact that your kid might turn out to be evil like in every horror movie ever made.
What’s a girl with rapidly declining ovum to do?
Do you have any advice for me? Or perhaps an infant you can loan me that has my eyes?
I have three and I still guffaw when people say ‘it’s the best thing you’ll ever do!!!’ – ha, evil I know!! Thank GOD there are people who decide to remain childless I say!! Darling Ems, just don’t even worry about it- revisit in a year or so if you start feeling ‘the pull’ xxx
Some of us are not made to propogate whether by fate or by choice. I knew I was going to lead a pretty spectacular life as a rock ‘n’ roll tour manager and music business dude and would not make an ideal father. Though I love well-behaved, clean, smart kids, there are too few of them and I am glad I’m not bringing one up in a screen to screen relationship world that’s the world has devolved to. Besides Emma, freedom to travel at a moment’s whim, no school fees, no march of school uniforms, no need for lawyers or bail bondsmen if your kid turns into the Bad Seed. Count your blessings and not your eggs. You can always be the crazy Auntie.
For a couple who said they could not have kids (many reasons) we were not expecting kids, it was sad at first (like the scene in the Up movie) but we got over it (thinking of going on IVF).
We ended up having 1 then two kids naturally.
If it happens it happens, we are mega busy with our family but we are no happier than single friends (but definitely poorer). Life can take you in many directions, don’t waste a life on regret or worry.
I’ve been thinking about your post for a few days now. I had a near identical experience last year – a stranger in a bar who was insistent that my then husband and I should ‘go home and make babies’ as she repeatedly told me. To my horror, he then agreed to have dinner with the stranger and her rock star husband (he really is a rock star – but that’s another story). Fortunately the night improved, but on parting at the end of the night she put her hands on my shoulders, stared into my soul and told me again that I should have children without delay. Intense! It reinforced for me how much I did not want children with my then husband and was one of many events in that period that made me realise I needed to leave. So perhaps crazy baby lady did me a favour!
I have no doubt motherhood is very fulfilling for many, and a good relationship where you feel secure can change your attitude to having children. I too have felt that FOMO, but the relationship was not right, making me even more anxious about it. Roll forward a few years and I’m comfortable to be making my own path, my life is full and happy and my future bright. I don’t feel an imperative to have children. There are so many other things I want to do and children are not part of that picture.
You need to take some time to find what is comfortable for you, not force things. 37 is not that old – if it is the right thing for you, you will know and you will have time. Relax and enjoy life in the meantime.