Witness the fatness
I went to a talk at Woodford Folk Festival by broadcaster Melanie Tait that struck a chord: it was about how being fat had affected her self-perception.
When you’re fat – even a little bit – it can dominate your thoughts and pour bitterness over the sweetest experiences.
On a recent holiday, I had just been for a swim and was waiting for my turn at the beach shower. A group of 30-something couples – my age, good looking, laughing – were ahead of me and I absolutely hated standing there in my cozzies.
Holidays are when my (over)weight bothers me the most because I have more time to dwell on it. When I was hanging out at Woodford in the 40 degree heat, I kept feeling bad for wearing shorts that exposed a bit of cellulite. Sitting down was even worse: squished cellulite.
I have tried so hard to drum feminist theory into my brain. I have also tried to lose weight.
Nothing seems to shift the idea that if I was skinnier, my life would be better.
When I get dumped or otherwise rejected, I immediately think it’s because I’m too fat. When I succeed, I think that I’ve succeeded in spite of being fat.
I am healthy. I eat salad, walk, go to yoga, get enough sleep. WHY AM I STILL FAT? And would my life really be any different if I lost weight?
What do you guys think?