The naked truth about nudist beaches

the-naked-truth-about-nudist-beachesI often get accused of being a hippie because I like rainbows and soy chai and Goddess cards.

It’s for this reason that I always thought I would love going to a nudist beach. All that freedom and nature and sun-on-bare-skin – what’s not to like? Well, school boys and weird old English swingers, for one thing.

I was reminded of my ill-fated nudie run by this very funny story by Joshua Crouthamel on Ninemsn Travel about the top nudist beaches in the world.

Many full moons (haw haw) ago, I decided to drag my very conservative then-boyfriend to a nudist beach near Nelsons Bay, NSW.

We both felt a little giggly as we set out for the beach. 2kms later and we were still walking through spider-infested, humid bush … still no beach … and now we were all hot and bothered (but not in the good way).

When we finally arrived, an awkward tidal flat stretched out before us with knee-deep puddles and sandbanks galore. This was not the paradise I had come to expect from films such as Blue Lagoon. Not to be deterred, we stripped off and perched ourselves on a dune.

It felt really weird. Not entirely bad but definitely not comfortable. I eventually braved the open sand and walked down for a paddle. It was only when I looked back that I realised there were quite a lot of people there; dodgy looking people hiding in the dunes.

And then came the school boys. Here’s a tip: don’t go to a nudist beach between 3.30pm – 4pm.

Mortified, I scurried back up the beach and got my gear back on. Off we scarpered, up the track and back into the suffocating bushland, only to be greeted by two seemingly mild-mannered English folk wearing socks and sandals AND NOTHING ELSE. What’s more, they confessed they had seen us down at the beach and were wondering where we were going *wink* *wink*.

EEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Has anyone had any good nudist beach experiences? Or bad ones? Care to share?

Anyone who wants to give it a crack (I can’t get enough of the puns today), should check out this site.

Comments
8 Responses to “The naked truth about nudist beaches”
  1. Haha, love this. I’ve never gone to a nude beach because of fear of all this happening.

  2. Stevie D says:

    I remember living in Newcastle NSW years ago and one day decided to head down through the bush to an isolated beach near my house called Burwood Beach. My mate Alex was with me and after a good 30mins walking through thick scrub with two sixpacks of beer, we finally found it. We headed down to the shoreline and thought it would be a great idea to bury our beer in the sand to keep cool. Once we had swum out a way and turned around, we realised to our horror there were quite a few naked old men standing in the dunes looking at us. What we didn’t know at the time was this was a well known ‘meeting place’ for the locals. We also didn’t know that this beach wasn’t meant for swimming as is was the direct outlet for raw sewage from the Water treatment plant directly in front of us. Even after making our way back to shore, it got worse as our beer was nowhere to be found as the tide had washed away our ‘x marks the spot’ stick in the sand. I also ended up with the worst case of sunburn so it really was a great day out!

  3. mel says:

    Oh Steve… how sad! It’s experiences like Em’s and yours, and the fact I’m pretty much the opposite of an exhibitionist, that keeps me from these sans-clothes locales.

  4. Fiona says:

    Funny 🙂
    Now I now why I have never been to a nudist beach 😛

  5. Leon says:

    The old men at the beach aren’t having sex at the beach. They just like to be nude and thats all. They say it erases their social awkwardness. Maybe its a reminder to speak the truth not this “yeah well, I am doing great, I am going to be in control of the entire world next ” attitude that managers, pollies, bus drivers, garbage bin collectors go on with.

  6. James says:

    I’ve recently been to a few nudist beaches with my wife. We’ve had some positive and negative experiences. The positives are that some of the beaches are wonderful and most of the people at those beaches were great. The negatives were that most of the nudist beaches we’ve seen in Australia tend to be in fairly bad spots. The other negatives were the sexually frustrated deviants who need a lesson in social etiquette. We came across people wanking in the bushes and carrying on as if nudity is the same as sexual promiscuity. It is these degenerates that spoil nude beaches for everyone!

  7. jon & chrissy says:

    We go regularly to Armands Beach at Bermagui – the only legal clothes optional beach in Bega Valley Shire. It is a great place with good clean sand and clear water. The walking tracks down to the beach are a bit rugged but not impossible to navigate. Sure the men usually outnumber the women, but that does not worry us as chrissy does not mind a bit of extra cock to view. We have never been pestered or harassed. Perhaps the existence of an active organised naturist group – the Armands Beach Leisure Group – helps keep the place friendly and behaviour monitored.
    We are going to the Australia Day beach carnival at Armands on 26 Jan 2015 – come along, be nude and have fun with us.

  8. Peter says:

    My Wife and i have been to many Nudist beaches over the years,and yes i have to agree with some of the comments here about nude old men perving. We have found that single guys only need a little bit of sunshine to race down to the nearest beach in the hope of getting a look at a naked lady or more,The way to avoid a beach full of desperate guys is to go when it’s hot ,not just warm. Most couples or real nudists will go to these beaches once the temps rise a bit more ,say over 25 and thats when you’ll find a lot of couples instead of just guys who will go at 15 degree if the suns out ,Their weird little minds trick them into believing that there will be naked women out on such days. So Dont be put off just pick the right days week days are sometimes quiet but if you want the safety of numbers pick a hot day on a weekend.

Leave A Comment