Dear Aunty Em

What a bunch of dorks!

‘Is it true? I keep bumping into these drop dead gorgeous gals who tell me the singles scene in Sydney is awful and that Sydney blokes are, well, less than desirable. I’d love to hear from the worldly girls about what makes us (yes, I am one) so hopeless. How can we lift our game, so to speak?’

– Hopeless

Dear Hopeless,

Where to begin? Should I start with the cashed-up bachelors who take a different girl out every night? Or move on to the married men who are ostensibly ‘separated’ but want to stay married for financial reasons? There’s also the international Tinder users who are here for a short time and, presumably, a good time. One guy actually offered to pay $300 in expenses just to have someone to ‘show him around’.

The level of transience that permeates the straight Sydney dating scene is disheartening. My theory on this is that as one of the gay hubs of the world, a lot of the single men here are not interested in ladies which leaves us with, say, 80% of guys. Of that 80%, 35% will be married, 30% will be too old or young for us and 10% won’t be interested in us.

Which leaves us with 5%.

Combine the geo-targeting functionality of dating apps with the fact that birds of a feather flock together and it’s not long before you and all your friends have been matched with the same guys; guys who are obviously keen daters.

And what makes a keen dater? Someone either, a) desperate, b) horny, or, c) out to meet the love of their life. Unfortunately Option B seems to be the prevailing trend, followed by Option A.

Why’s that? Well, simply because most women are looking for Option C so when they meet this guy, he is off the market as soon as you can say ‘sold above the reserve’. Sydney is a tough market where we pay way too much for cockroach-infested bedsits. It’s much the same with men; high demand, low available quality and swarms of qualified bidders.

Good men go fast, leaving us with an ever-shrinking pond of losers. If these losers re-arranged their priorities and approached dating with some honour, integrity and kindness, things would improve but until then, the women of Sydney will be tortured with marathon-running dullards who work in IT management and call centre team leaders who live with their mothers.

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