Yes! Half the population gets them, is going to get them or had them. Why doesn’t anyone talk about it?!

People will tell you about their FitBits, CrossFit classes and Fitness First memberships and yet here’s this huge health thing that affects all women on a regular basis and … nothing.

And yet when you do bring it up, most women seem to have a tale of woe.

Have periods always been the stuff of nightmares or is this a new thing? Are modern women doing something that is freaking out uteruses, en masse?

For me, it’s a monthly zombie apocalypse and I’m convinced I’m going to die. No one can bleed that much without dying and yet, every month, I survive.

Which leads me to conclude that I am either a) a vampire, b) a zombie, or c) otherwise immortal.

But seriously, it’s awful. And lonely because I can’t bitch about it openly without people – and by ‘people’, I mean men – getting weird about it. And I can’t call in sick because I have cramps and anaemia. I have a male boss which makes it supremely awkward. I can imagine the conversation going something like this:

Me – “BLOOD. OMIGOD. IT’S EVERYWHERE. I can’t come in.”

Him – “…  … ”

So here’s what I propose. Let’s de-weird this period thing. Let’s talk about it. I am sick of suffering in silence and I’m sure lots of you are too. And guys, if you’re reading this, you need to get with the program because without this monthly hell-cycle, THERE WOULD BE NO HUMAN LIFE.

Bitch away, friends. I’m listening.