For a place that is only 8kms x 5kms wide, there’s a surprising amount to do and see. Here are the unmissable five:

1. Swim at Emily Bay

A local named Wayne told me he decided to move to Norfolk Island after his first swim in Emily Bay. Golden sand, clear, calm water in a protective arc and the whole place practically to yourself. I got in during winter and the water temperature was warmer than Sydney in January.

2. Drinks at Mini Bar

Mini Bar is cool without being even remotely pretentious. 1970’s furniture, a big speaker pumping out Pearl Jam, candlelight and black-and-white movies projected onto a wall. The barman ‘is a mate of the owner’ and he is a hippie with a plaited, beaded beard, a bandanna and a cheeky pirate smile.

3. Sunset Fish Fry

This is Norfolk Island’s version of a luau. Lightly battered fish, kumera and coconut salad, coconut bread and live singing and Polynesian dance performances make the fish fry a great way to get into the island groove.

4. Visit to Kingston World Heritage Site

Histories don’t come much grizzlier than that of Kingston, the high security convict outpost of the colonies. Murderous riots, vile mistreatment and heart-wrenching stories of failed escape and mutiny. The stories invariably begin in the barracks and end in the cemetery and offer a glimpse back in time to when Australia was a struggling fledgling nation.

5. ‘Night as a Convict’ dinner

Join a room full of rowdy octogenarians for a night of donger jokes, ‘yes sirs!’ and convict couture in the form of arrow-patterned PJs. This is not a high-brow outing. You will polka, play pass the rolling pin and be humiliated by the Commandant and Private Parts in a thoroughly entertaining way. The best part is watching the oldies have a blast.