Reaching the top
I feel like I have spent my entire life climbing a mountain.
Enduring injuries, getting lost, carrying a tonne of stuff uphill and learning to fend for myself in the wild.
And now I finally feel like I’ve reach the top of the first mountain.
It’s a funny thing when you can wholeheartedly draw a line in the sand and say, ‘Today I let go of the past’.
What helped me get there was the Gibraltar Hotel Health Break. I have been to meditation retreats at the Brahma Kumari Centre in Leura and I have tried loads of different things – diet, exercise, treatments, supplements – to be well, but I have never been to a dedicated health retreat.
The linchpin of this experience is yoga teacher Monica Moore from Moore Nourishing. She is one of the best teachers I have ever come across. She is down-to-earth, funny, natural and normal. She makes you feel comfortable in your own skin and helps you understand the importance of self-love in any wellness program.
This was significant for me because, during one of the yoga sessions, I realised that I have hated my body for a very long time. I have been ashamed of it and embarrassed by the fat that I can’t seem to shake. I have felt ugly and awful most of my life.
I am a feminist and I have tried everything to have a positive body image but deep down, there is a real loathing for myself.
As Monica said at the retreat, ‘Your body isn’t a shabby rental; it’s your home’.
Based on this tiny piece of advice, I am going to renovate; not just my attitude to my body but I am going to take the next step in committing to loving it deeply. Following on from the retreat, I went on a shopping spree at the whole foods store and the green grocer, started back at yoga, went walking and instead of staying out late at an awards function, I went home early.
All of this is making me feel proud of myself; a new sensation as opposed to feeling hopeless.
I will write more about the experience of the retreat – what we did there and why I think everyone should give something like this a go – but for now, I just want to share this pivotal moment in my life: the moment I let go of hating my body.