If you’re looking at the prospect of spending the rest of your life with someone or wondering just how you choose someone to marry, then you have to realise it’s not all about feelings. It’s also about the plans that you have for the future and how compatible your plans may be with theirs. The only way you’re going to find that out, however, is by having real conversations with them. Here, we’re going to look at how you do just that.

Do you want kids?

The most important question is, of course, whether you want children or not. It’s a good idea to talk about where you are now, as well as how you think you might feel in the future. You don’t want to offer wiggle room if you’re not really prepared to eventually go that way, however. You want to make sure that you’re on the same page regarding this. How many is an important topic to broach, too.

How and where do you want to raise them?

Aside from the simple question of whether you want kids in the first place, there will come a time that you have to decide what kind of lifestyle you’re going to provide them. Are both of you going to work to support the family or will someone stay at home? Do you know where you want to raise your kids? Are there any family members you will want to keep close or even those you would prefer distance from?

What kind of birth control measures do you want to use?

If you’re not planning to have children right now, then you should have a talk about what measures you’re going to take to prevent that. Take a look at the types of birth control available, as well as their side effects to see which you are willing to rely on. You might also want to talk about what happens in the event of birth control failure, whether you’re willing to carry to term or would prefer something like a medical abortion. It’s important to understand one another on this as these can be tough conversations to have in the heat of the moment.

Are you going to need help?

If you are going to have children, then you should talk about how you’re going to conceive them. You might not need to talk about the birds and the bees with your partner, but you should talk about different options for fertility treatments as well as what tips you can follow to improve your chances of conception as best as possible. If you do have some trouble conceiving traditionally, then getting a closer look at the reproductive health of the couple can help you outline your options.

There are some pretty heavy conversations that you need to have with your partner, but it’s vital to do that before you embark on a life together. Give the topics that time and room that they need to see where you fit together.