Why isn’t there a word for excited + scared? I have always had this thing where I become extremely anxious whenever anything really good happens. It makes precisely no sense.

This illustrates what I feel like – exhilarated and yet slightly unhinged.

I was awake most of last night suffering from this condition. The reason? I was offered – and accepted – my dream job as a Travel and Events Editor.

I am beyond excited and yet some weird glitch in my biochemistry is sending off mixed messages that sound a bit like this, ‘I have new dresses! What if I suck? They seem so nice. Where is the nearest coffee shop? Where am I going to store my stuff? I get to write. I actually have a paid writing job. I am like a unicorn with new dresses that drinks coffee and types with its hooves!’

And so it goes. When I am like this, I can be lying down and feel like I have vertigo. That’s not normal, right?

Do you get this thing? What is this?



7 comments on “Freakedoutexcited

  1. I think it’s a version of ‘impostor syndrome’!! I get that too! Like when i got sent to Tahiti, like when i got offered $1200 for 3 hours work on a beauty story….!!!

  2. It’s all completely normal, my friend.

    I tried to find out if there’s a name for that feeling, but had no luck. I did find this perfect summation from Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, however:

    “Emotions, in my experience, aren’t covered by single words … I’d like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions like, say, “the happiness that attends disaster.” Or: “the disappointment of sleeping with one’s fantasy.” I’d like to show how “intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members” connects with “the hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age.” I’d like to have a word for “the sadness inspired by failing restaurants” as well as for “the excitement of getting a room with a minibar.” I’ve never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I’ve entered my story, I need them more than ever. ”

  3. So happy for you Em. Congrats on the job, and I can’t wait for you to be back in the city.

  4. Congrats Emma,
    I know exactly what you mean..the closer I get to buying a yacht and sailing off over the horizon, the more excited an d the more freaked out I get -I think its a survival instinct -to keep us in the moment, aware that while its what we always wanted , we don’t know everything we need to to be safe in this new environment> out of our comfort zone <Comfort Zones SUCK!

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