Un-goals for 2017

Dream big, bitches. Image courtesy of Romp Rescue.

I love new year, mostly because I get given a lot of calendars. I always feel a little bit ripped off if I have to flick straight to July.

In previous years, I have made ambitious lists of goals but this year, my objective is merely to survive and not accidentally kill my newborn baby.

In keeping with this scaled back approach, I have some recommendations that will ensure you have a good year, versus a productive one.

  1. Don’t lose weight: Forgeddaboutit! Seriously, nobody cares except for you and possibly your judgemental lover, in which case, dump the jerk and hook up with someone who is more interested in your beautiful mind, or at least your luscious bank account.
  2. That was a joke!: As if any of us have any money. Don’t even bother trying to get out of debt or, God forbid, saving (I can read your mind and I know that’s on the list). Think of debt like a bad tattoo. Painful, time consuming to remove, and a permanent reminder of a less responsible time in your life.
  3. Don’t exercise more: You signed up to Cross Fit? Are you drunk? Unless you enjoy physiotherapy and knee replacements, what are you thinking? Sure, go for a walk (to buy gelato). Ride your bike. Do some squats while you wait for the microwave to ping. Do not sign up to a rigorous exercise regime that will leave you exhausted, financially depleted and injured.
  4. Don’t stop drinking: Take it from a pregnant lady – there is nothing fun to be gained from prolonged sobriety. Sure, mornings are dewy and nights are peaceful but a night on the razz is just as therapeutic as an evening on the couch watching box sets.
  5. Do more of what you like: Forget about becoming well-rounded. Read more. Watch more. Bake more blueberry muffins. Whatever it is that you love, do more of it and revel in becoming blissfully lopsided.

What are you planning to do more of this year? And what will you be doing less of?

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