Dear Aunty Em
‘Dear Aunty Em, I have been seeing a guy for 10 months and I would like to take it to the next level but he never wants to commit to anything. If I try to make plans for the weekend, he says that he can’t commit even though he will organise stuff with his mates and family members. I really like this guy and we always have fun together. We’ve called it off a few times but we always end up getting back together, even though he won’t even admit that we’re in a relationship. What should I do?’
– Wannabe official
Dear Wannabe official,
Oh boy, I can relate to that. I was once in a relationship like that too but it turned out the ‘guy’ was haloumi stack at my local café. I would see ‘him’ every weekend, I loved ‘him’ and we were great together. But then I realised that ‘he’ didn’t have the capacity to love me back because he was actually a plate of breakfast food.
Your situation is kind of the same. This guy makes you happy and you enjoy his company but I am guessing that he is fundamentally unable to give you what you want. In the same way my beautiful pile of avocado, sourdough and grilled cheese wasn’t able to hold my hand at family Christmases, this guy is on the menu for strictly defined good times.
So it’s up to you. You can order him and enjoy him, but you can’t take him home.
If you want a more substantial arrangement, you are going to have to look elsewhere and that can feel really scary and demoralising when you’ve already found someone you love.
Having said that, I eventually broke it off with the haloumi stack and have fallen in love with a human man who loves me back, in all my chubby, cheese-loving glory.
It’s never easy to walk away from things that you know, deep down, aren’t right for you but, in the same way we eventually send that gorgeous designer dress that doesn’t fit to Vinnies, sometimes we have to do the same with guys.