Dear Aunty Em: Tinder Grindr

“I met a guy on Tinder. Banged him the first night. 3.5 times to be exact. I woke up and realised he was still there in my hotel bed – so we banged again before getting breakfast. Over the following weeks, we have spent every weekend together, flying back and forth between Sydney and Melbourne, exploring each other’s cities, friends and hobbies. We’re moving way too quick – and it’s weird and a lot … But we can’t stop. Even when we talk about slowing it down, it just won’t happen. I’m about to leave the country for a month on holiday – so I’m good to take a break and mentally chill … but I know I won’t be hooking up with anyone else. I’m obsessed. How do you know when it’s too much too soon? How do you know when it’s right at all? How do you stop yourselves from ruining something great because it’s so intense and a little creepy / perfect?”
– Gay Who Used Tinder as Grindr

Dearest Tinder Grindr,

Oh humans. What a funny bunch we are. We worry when things are bad but we also worry when things are good.

The key thing to learn is to alleviate worry, full stop.

Why? Because as someone once said, ‘Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe’.

What you have described sounds like the beginning to a wonderful love affair. The challenging thing is that all that delectable fornication triggers a hormonal cascade similar to a cocaine bender.

You get all addicted and then it becomes about getting your next hit through physical contact, speaking or messaging.

I say go with it. Don’t worry about ruining it. Don’t worry about it being intense. Just laissez le bon temps rouler.

This is a season – a hot, steamy season characterised by sore genitals, excessive drinking and total infatuation.

It won’t be long before you two are sitting on the couch watching GoT reruns in your pyjamas so indulge in this stage wholeheartedly. Do not run. Do not hide. Grab life by the balls and the ass, and the …. [fill in the blanks].

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