‘Should you keep in touch with your ex? What are the no go zones and when it is OK?’ – X Factor

Dear X Factor,

This is a very broad question so I’m going to break it down a little. Are we talking about an ex from high school, an ex-husband or wife who you have kids with, or a ex-lover who you have never quote resolved things with?

My point is that not all exes are created equal. I am friends with some of mine but there are others that I would dive behind prickly bushes to avoid.

The key thing is resolution. How resolved is this relationship? Are both parties over it? Or is someone staying in touch to maintain a connection, possibly with a view to getting back together?

It’s OK to stay in touch if everyone’s intentions are transparent. It’s not OK if someone is up to something (i.e. luring you away from your current partner, especially if you are in a happy relationship).

Alternatively, if it’s you who is up to something (i.e. they have moved on and now you’re jealous and regretful), stop that right now. YELLOW CARD.

I would be wary of an ex who has popped up out of the blue, less so of an ex you have been in touch with all along.

It’s all about intentions and the impact the contact is having, not just on you, but on your partner (if there is one). Most of the time new partners are OK with contact with exes so long as you’re honest about it. If something feels fishy, it is fishy and needs to stop.