Needs versus wants
I’ve always wanted a boyfriend who is into wine which goes some way to explaining why I get all groupie around wine makers, journalists and judges. I love wine and, by extension, love wine people.
The problem is that wine people travel for work all the time, drink a hell of a lot and generally have the moral turpitude of Keith Richards.
I also love the idea of dating MENSA geniuses and CEOs but really, is that right for me? How many narcissists can you fit into one relationship? There’s the whole star and manager theory; that every healthy partnership has one star and one person who happily plays the support role. I know that I have to be the star. I am the youngest child in my family, an Aries and a bit of a diva when it comes to needing attention.
I have a lot of love to give but I need a lot of love in return. That’s just how it is with me so it’s never going to work with someone who doesn’t have much time, who is emotionally distant or who doesn’t want a fully loved-up partnership.
I want the whole house, dog, children, marriage scenario. But do I need any of that? Probably not. What I actually need is someone to fall asleep with, to be my best friend and to be there for me when things are shit. All that other stuff is optional.
It’s the difference between buying groceries and buying a beautiful piece of art. The groceries are critical. The art is not.
Cater for your deepest needs first – and then you can go crazy with the other stuff.
Ask yourself what it is you need to make you feel loved and safe and accepted unconditionally. Seek that first.