Stuff my therapist taught me
It was expensive but is was also one of the best investments I have ever made.
I’ve always associated therapy with neurotic Woody Allen types but my therapist (technically an Emotional Freedom Technique practitioner) was a poised and elegant English lady named Margaret.
She taught me three important lessons; lessons that I am going to share with you for free (hello bargain!).
1. Be aware of your flaws and accept them
I know I’m gullible, punctuality-challenged, overweight and am a bit of a drunken lush. Hence, if anyone gives me shit about this, I can wholeheartedly agree. I laugh along because I don’t have to be defensive about anything. These things are true. I accept them and I love myself in spite of them. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to pretend to be perfect.
2. Set boundaries
Only you can do this. If someone’s behaviour is bothering you, you can bitch and moan about it, or you can set better boundaries. People may disapprove if you say, ‘No, I can’t babysit/come to your party/do that extra job’ but that’s because they’re used to you being available or doing what they want you to do. Whose fault is that? You need to know your boundaries, set them and protect them. If you want people to respect you, you need to respect yourself first.
3. If you want it, do it/get it yourself
My ex was really messy and a bit of a grot. It caused a lot of tension in our relationship because he wasn’t helping me with the cleaning. But here’s the thing: he didn’t care about having a clean house; I did. It’s a tough lesson but what Margaret taught me was that if you want it, you have to do it yourself. If something is important to you, you can’t expect other people to a) care, b) do it for you. It’s not fair to resent someone for not wanting the same things you do.
Do you have any therapy wisdom you would like to share?