Witness the fatness

I went to a talk at Woodford Folk Festival by broadcaster Melanie Tait that struck a chord: it was about how being fat had affected her self-perception.

Rubenesque nude with furs

When you’re fat – even a little bit – it can dominate your thoughts and pour bitterness over the sweetest experiences.

On a recent holiday, I had just been for a swim and was waiting for my turn at the beach shower. A group of 30-something couples – my age, good looking, laughing – were ahead of me and I absolutely hated standing there in my cozzies.

Holidays are when my (over)weight bothers me the most because I have more time to dwell on it. When I was hanging out at Woodford in the 40 degree heat, I kept feeling bad for wearing shorts that exposed a bit of cellulite. Sitting down was even worse: squished cellulite.

I have tried so hard to drum feminist theory into my brain. I have also tried to lose weight.

Nothing seems to shift the idea that if I was skinnier, my life would be better.

When I get dumped or otherwise rejected, I immediately think it’s because I’m too fat. When I succeed, I think that I’ve succeeded in spite of being fat.

I am healthy. I eat salad, walk, go to yoga, get enough sleep. WHY AM I STILL FAT? And would my life really be any different if I lost weight?

What do you guys think?


4 comments on “Witness the fatness

  1. Firstly you are not fat. Genetics has made you curvy. If your doctor doesn’t have an issue with your weight and you are otherwise healthy then just accept your body shape for what it is and live your life.
    I understand the self consciousness – especially in swimwear – but beating yourself up about it doesn’t change anything. Do you honestly think if you were model skinny your life would be any better? Skinny people have the same issues with work, dating, family, money etc that everyone else does. We all have to deal with our own issues the best way we can regardless of our waist measurement.

  2. The more success I achieve, the fatter I become. I certainly have no answers for you, because I don’t think my life would be better, I just would just be thinner in it.

    The fact that you nominated old purry as a “Rubenesque nude with furs” made me laugh heartily. You are so lucky to be so witty! What a gift!

  3. Emma, you are definitely not fat. You are tall, gorgeous and fabulously curvy. I know fat. I am. I have been all of my life and yes the knowledge of this does change how I view the world. It stops me from having the confidence to do many things. I love swimming, but the beached whale comments stop me going to the pool – if only I owned one!
    You have the most vivacious confidence and are a successful, strong Woman! Revel in your stunning curves! Enjoy them!
    You are not fat.

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