You are going to get fat
‘I was so thin but I thought I was so fat’ is a common statement among women looking at old photos of themselves.  At every stage of my life I have routinely thought ‘I am so fat’ and taken various measures to address this supposed problem. That is, until now. I am pregnant and, for once in my life, I am ‘allowed’ to be fat. There is no escaping the weekly waist expansion. What’s surprising is how much I love it.

You are going to get old
It doesn’t how many chemicals you slather on yourself, you are going to get old. Sun exposure, facial expressions and everything you’ve ever eaten or drunk is going to catch up with you. And you know what? Nobody cares. Nobody but you, that is. I have a sunspot on my hand that is driving me crazy. I am taking it as a sign that the steady creep towards full scale decrepitude has begun but the doctor assures me that it is a) not cancer, and b) a common phenomena among preggy ladies.

A healthy body is better than a beautiful body
Ask anyone with chronic health problems if they would rather feel good or look good and I bet 100 per cent of them (notwithstanding the eating disordered people) will say ‘feel good’. Treasure your wellness. Protect it. Don’t worry about your gut. Worry about your gut bacteria.

Most guys really don’t care what you look like naked
I know enough guys to be able to categorically state that most red-blooded men are delighted if you are a) naked and, b) they are allowed to touch you. They will tell you themselves that they are simple creatures and believe me, they’re not lying. Sure, they would prefer it if we looked like <insert hot famous babe here>, in the same way we wish they looked liked Jamie Fraser from Outlander, but the truth is that we’re all willing to get on with the sex thing because, beyond the obviously ridiculous machinations involved, there’s a lot more to sex than just looking pretty.

Your body is a genius
It doesn’t matter how good you are at multi-tasking. Your body is outdoing you ten million to one. All you need to do to power this remarkable vessel is breathe, eat, drink and sleep. You can go to the gym or you can spend your life on the couch. Your body has your back. It keeps you updated on everything you need to know by sending you signals and all you need to do is listen.