I’m an idiot
Love makes fools of us all and once again, I have proven that I am a first-rate idiot.
I met a guy online, we went on a couple of dates and before I knew it, I was head-over-heels in love and planning a Vegas wedding.
Here’s the thing: I am super gullible. I believe people wholeheartedly when they say things like ‘I love you’, ‘I have never felt this way before’ and ‘Let’s get married and have a million babies’ (well, I said that but you know what I am getting at).
I believe. I want to love someone. I want to share my life with an awesome dude and I thought I had found the man for the job.
Turns out that man is still confused about his ex and went from allegedly loving me to total ambivalence overnight.
I made some huge mistakes as well. I got too comfortable and had too much faith. I told him what I really thought about some of his lifestyle choices – namely smoking and eating loads of junk food – and that went down extremely badly. I got annoyed because all we were doing was watching TV and hanging out at his house. I started to feel stressed and tired and miserable because I wasn’t exercising or getting enough sleep.
The big lessons here? Don’t rush in. Don’t give up your own life to hang out with someone you barely know. Never change your relationship status on Facebook until you have a ring on your finger or a baby on the way. And don’t decide to break up with someone on Facebook when you’re drunk and emotional.
It’s ridiculous to trust someone you’ve only just met. It turns out that even old hands like me can make the most basic rookie errors.
So, like I said, I’m an idiot.
Have you made these kinds of mistakes? Do we ever really learn?
UPDATE ALERT: The guy is getting back with his ex. The very same ex who cheated on him with her violent, abusive ex. Yep, I’m an idiot but so is he.
Emma, as you know, I’m a big fan. You are a wonderful woman. I think so highly of you, and only want the best for you in life. I dearly want to see you happy, and achieving your domestic & biological goals.
However, at my advanced age 🙂 , I have learnt a thing or three about men. And the bottom line is, if you want to marry a good man, you will have to significantly adapt your behaviour.
Perhaps you should start a topic on the subject of maturing single women preparing for marriage? I think it would be very interesting to hear what others might suggest. And if you would like to phone me, please do; as I have some practical suggestions to offer you privately.
Ah, argh, I had a similar experience last year. Not similar in the way it played out (except for meeting online) but similar in the frustration and lessons learned.
And the most frustrating part for me, was that these were lessons I had already learned! Or at least, I thought I had. I was so cranky at myself for making such a silly (yep, rookie!) mistake.
I’m still not sure what the greater lesson or purpose in it all was. Maybe just that, even when we have learned our lessons, we still need the occasional reminder?
I do think we are all a little bit guilty of letting our optimism and ‘search for the right guy’ light enhance the features of Mr-Not-Really-Right-At-All … no doubt you *wanted* him to be right, and to maybe be ‘better’ than he is … it does sound a bit like you dodged a bullet …
JS.
I think it’s great that you were honest and enthusiastic and called him on his unhealthy habits – that crap is only going to drag you down, so although it’s painful, it’s good that it happened very early on and you both didn’t waste any more time.
And…. back to the world of the internetzzzzz romanzzzz we go…..
!
xxx
Beautiful Em, so sorry your beautiful heart has been hurt again. But don’t beat yourself up for trusting and believing another. It’s a better way to live than being suspicious of others. And it’s what we love about you. And don’t listen to those who say you have to adapt yourself to find true love. True love loves you just as you are 🙂 You’ll see.
Sheesh, Miss Em!
Seems like many of us have been there – including me. I have 2 of those similar “relation-shits” under my belt. One was with a German guy I met online, that morphed into a nigh-on 3 month fling then into a bonking buddies scenario, after he said he wasn’t quite over his ex.
The other was a way-too-young-but-thought-he-knew-it-all Pom who told me he “didn’t do relationships” after breaking up with a fellow Pom lady he met in Thailand. I realised later that I was basically the “in-betweener” to ease him into life in Australia until said Pom lady got here. Well, didn’t I give him a serve!! Which didn’t go down too well. Which amused me no end, after I got over the anger and hurt. I later discovered the arrogant nob is now a psychologist or similar – so he’s dishing out advice to people in their f*@ked up lives, when he did a good job screwing my psyche at the time. Wonder if he’s acquainted with remorse by now… Bell end!
Just be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes, and painful though it can be, it does make life all the richer, and you become a better judge of character as a result. xx
You’re so not an idiot! Life’s lessons are really hard sometimes, and men are, well, men. I personally believe that you behaved in a way that was “you”. You believe, you fall in love – it makes you a loving person and a human being. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Someone who deserves you will come along sooner or later, in the meantime, cherish being the cool person we all know. S x